I am a Volcano……..please accept my apology

So I really wondered if I should do this post. I am going to expose my uglies, because yes, we all have them and yet in the mi...

So I really wondered if I should do this post. I am going to expose my uglies, because yes, we all have them and yet in the midst of contemplating ourselves the Holy Spirit is so good to help us with them.

A few days ago our family was sitting in the living room. I had been brooding all day about some circumstances that I was very weary of. The thoughts were layered in my brain like a heavy fog. My husband asked me a question and I quickly snapped back, threw a pillow that was on the couch next to me on the ground promptly walked out of the room and stomped up the stairs. My emotions were raging. I got my pj’s on and dove into my bed and curled up on my side with thunderstorms dancing in my head. As I write this I am embarrassed to think about how I behaved
I lay there in bed that night all tense. My husband quietly got in bed beside me, I am sure he was thinking “I dare not say a word or the volcano may erupt again” Volcano…….. because that is exactly how I acted. Volcanos rumble underneath the earth for some time before the explosion surfaces and spews. Spewing……..it is what I had done. There was a silence between my husband and I. As I lay in the darkness I contemplated myself. The Holy Spirit my counselor, began to speak to me. His quiet voice, examining my words and actions in my mind, reasoning with me. His gentle conviction as I rehearsed the words and actions in my head. It is in the silence that He speaks. The stillness provides a window of opportunity for reason, for healing. I knew what I needed to do. The next day I humbled myself and apologized for my behavior. Not just to my husband but to my family. My response to my husband was awful and the fact that I did it in front of our children added to the damage. I lay my thoughts and actions before you only so that hopefully it will help you in some small way. To heal the wounds caused by my volcanic reaction I chose to apologize in a unique way. In our home we have been practicing something called the Six Step Apology. 
Yes, this is somewhat of a formula, but each step brings a layer of grace. It has really improved the relationships in our family.

Here are the steps:

1.  State the Offense – “I was angry, and I should not have been angry”

2. Admit you were wrong – “I was wrong for reacting that way”

3. Apologize –“I am sorry for being angry and leaving the room” ( in this case I said it to my husband and said it again to my daughters)

4. Ask if they can forgive you – “Will you or when you can, please forgive me for my anger towards you” ( this places the person that you offended completely in the driver’s seat)

5. Ask for accountability – 
“I give you permission to hold me accountable if I become angry at you again and respond in an inappropriate manner”

6. Ask for anything else that might be there –
“ is there anything else that I did that may have hurt you, please tell me”

It seems like a lot of steps but with each step of the process it weaves healing and humility.

I know that I may again become a volcano. The truth is I am in process. If you are a volcano at times, I hope you can learn that you are not alone.

That in the stillness the Counselor is speaking to you and if you follow His leading you can learn that the instrument you used to harm can be used to heal.

 The Six Step Apology is from the teaching of Transformational Leadership
Click the link below if you want to find out more

I am linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee



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Cindy Fincher: I am a Volcano……..please accept my apology
I am a Volcano……..please accept my apology
Cindy Fincher
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